One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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