Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
