Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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