Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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