My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
