I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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