it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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