Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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