Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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