How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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