I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
