Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
