You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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