I think I won the penis lottery.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
