he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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