I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
