if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
