i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
