my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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