I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
