Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
