i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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