he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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