If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
