Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
