Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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