i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
