maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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