i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
