When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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