My first STD was from a foam party
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
