There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
