I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i out mim tonsoeep
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