Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so let's talk penis.
this boner is exhausting
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
