she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
