Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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