There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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