Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hotel room ftw
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
