New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
