Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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