the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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