I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
All the doctor said was why
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
