I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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