My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
