I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
