walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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