The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
