I'm going to jail i love you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
