Swine flu. Run for my life!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
