True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
