yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
