i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
