Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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